Feelings

It's weird the way I'm feeling. It's not the same I felt in the beginning. It's not despair, there's not so much anguish. But something's there, always there, all the time. It makes me sad sometimes. I really wish it didn't. But it's not the same. I don't want to put it away so bad that it makes me hurt myself. But I'd like to have some time free from it. I'd very much like to enjoy the world without the sadness. I'd like to know how it is to feel beautiful things, without the hurt, without the pain in my heart. But it seems like it has always been this way. I don't know if it will ever change. Maybe I'll just have to get used to it. But I'd like to have the option. I wish simple things didn't make me feel so overwhelmed. Put together some difficult feelings and I feel like I'm gonna explode, or I wish I could burst into tears to empty my heart. But it never works. My heart is never empty. Doesn't matter how hard I try.

Maybe all of this doesn't make any sense. But I have to take it out of my chest somehow. And maybe some of you will listen. And maybe some of you will understand some of this. Because I don't think I do.